it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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