woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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