Define "chronic" masturbator.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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