even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
