I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
