There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
