she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
