i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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