I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
