Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
