I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
