Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you didnt know i had herpes?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
