Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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