God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
