In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
