I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
