Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
