Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
