Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
