Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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