Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
