This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
