i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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