i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
