yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
