I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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