We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
