Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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