Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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