omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
