I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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