I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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