O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
