i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
