Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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