No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
