My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
