I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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