the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
