my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
