we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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