I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
