this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
