So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
