I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
