I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
