remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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