No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
