So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize