Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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