You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
